Mr and Mrs. Right

Mr. and Mrs. Right

“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.”

Oprah Winfrey

Recently, a friend posed a very interesting question to me. “Do you believe in Mr. Right?”

My response might surprise some of those who think they know me well but, yes I do believe in the idea of Mr. Right and Mrs. Right. Let me explain.

If we were to think for a second, we might realize that at one time or another, we’ve all given some sort of description or thought as to what our Mr. or Mrs. Right should be like. We’ve all perhaps imagined falling in love with that one person who fits our exact description and living a fairy-tale ending of “happily ever after”. Funny thing though, it seems that for many of us, very often in our fantasies and even our quest to find that unique person who matches our ever desire, we forget some of the most fundamental things about the human nature. We forget that we are all different and that as humans we change!

So for one, each person has a different description of what their Mr. or Mrs. Right should be, based on their own personal interest, ideals and their individuality; which is exactly what sets us apart as humans, for no two people are the same! Secondly, think of how often that ideal, your ideal of a Mr. or Mrs. Right changes with each broken relationship or with every problem that arises in a relationship; based on the experiences that you see others face and your own personal goals and achievements.

How then does Mr. or Mrs. Right exist? On the emotional side of things, is it possible to find that one person who understands who you are, who loves you for what you are and is willing to be with you just as you are? Someone who is not afraid to grow with you; seeks to make you happy, and in your eyes is the most beautiful being you have ever seen? That special someone who makes the butterflies in your stomach jump up in excitement instead of fear when ever they enter the room. In regards to security, is it possible to also find someone who is not only good on the emotional side, but who can also provide that comfort and material security that we all need to survive?

You see, the biggest problem in this so called Mr. or Mrs. Right theory is in the way define it; it’s not that it’s a myth or that it’s impossible to find. The second problem may be in the way we go about, it. Most of us go searching for the “perfect person” or yes the “right person”, but fail to realize and accept that we too must become the right person. It should never only be about finding Mr. Right; there is also the added component of becoming Mrs. Right.

In painting out your picture of your Mr. or Mrs. Right, have you ever stopped and wondered if you could fit your own description of what you want that person to be? What if the person that you see as your potential “right” was looking for the exact same things, would you be able to live up to that standard? Can you be the perfect someone, the Mr. or Mrs. Right for someone else?

Being human is all about having choices, making decisions and having certain preferences. There will always be things that we like and dislike based on our own value systems, our culture, the way we were raised, our ideas and beliefs in life. There will always be things that will initially attract us to someone else or things that we look for in a relationship; be it physical attributes, personality or emotional characteristic, stability and other background factors such as religion, career or education for example.

Now, it’s really ok to have an idea of what you want in a relationship and the qualities that you would prefer that person that you see yourself with to have. You need to know your preferences, make your own choices and decisions as to what will make you happy in a relationship. You can learn how to achieve this by first seeking to know how you can be happy on your own. Which is something most of us put aside, our own happiness, because we focus so much on the image of the other person and not ourselves.

What you must also keep in mind however, is that like you, that person, your so called Mr./ Mrs. Right is human and in that their differences is what makes them unique. We cannot create another human being out of our own image, or force them to be, feel or act exactly how we want based on our preferences. Even if it was possible, to do so would be to rob them of the one thing that makes them human and not a robot; their individuality.

In our search to find our Mr. or Mrs. Right we need to learn to appreciate the differences in others. In seeking to be Mr. or Mrs. Right, our aim should be to help our ‘someone’ grow to become a better person, embracing their strengths and working through their weaknesses; not particularly to satisfy our own needs but for them to truly evolve into the person that they are seeking to be.

Allowing someone to be them self, does not necessitate you having to change your goals, your dreams, who you are or who you want to become as an individual. Nor does it determine how much you as an individual is willing to accept in any relationship. There are realities in life that we must accept; one of these realities is that as humans; as imperfect beings we are prone to mistakes. However, we are also capable of being held accountable for our errors and mistakes often lead to consequences. Additionally we are also capable of forgiveness and making a choice to move on.

Understand that, new found love is easy, if you have ever been in a relationship you’ll know that it’s the most intense and intimate stage. It’s the time that each partner seeks to put out their best, be on their best behavior and do all that they can to impress the other person. It’s really the foundation of the relationship; what you use to build you future and when you start to imagine what it could be like if you were to stay together. Often it is also the stage when we declare we’ve found our Mr. or Mrs. Right.

The thing is people change; you change! Your ideas, visions, goals, commitments and even your value system sometimes change. We change physically, we get older, fatter, thinner, and our blacks turn to grays. Circumstances cause us to change emotionally, and sometimes even force us to develop completely new personalities. So in seeking to find or in trying to be Mr. or Mrs. Right, you need to also be prepared for change and for the most part appreciate change.

Realize that change comes in many different forms; it can be good or bad, necessary change or unnecessary change. Either way it is still something that you would have to work at, whether is to reestablish what was there before, to adjust to it, give into it and take a new direction. When change comes it’s really up to you to decide and determine how you react to it and what route you take, to make your life more fulfilled and to truly display the person that you seek to be based on the qualities that you value most in your self and in others.

Generally, what we can say here is that no one is perfect, we are all humans, mortal beings at most that err as a part of our very nature; so we cannot define Mr. or Mrs. Right as the perfect someone. We can however describe Mr. or Mrs. Right as someone who can help us enhance who we are and evolve into who we want to be, someone that we can identify with, or a person we can grow with. Our Mr. or Mrs. Right is the one we love and want to be with, in spite of their weaknesses, imperfections, differences and the changes that they go through; it is the person we feel complete and satisfied with even when faced with the stress and challenges that comes with a relationship.

To answer my friend’s question I simply pose a few questions to myself. “Do I believe that I can be someone who loves someone else and accepts them for the individual that they are without any strings attached? Can I accept and appreciate change without letting go of my values? Can I be Mrs. Right for someone else?

Remember, in seeking to find Mr. or Mrs. Right some of the most basic principles are to seek to know your self first and what makes you happy; appreciate others, their differences and individuality; be realistic and act on your values and preferences; and finally prepare for and welcome change. Following these basic principles can surely help you to become the Mr. or Mrs. Right that you would like to find in someone else.

24TH/09/10.

Zhen (Queen Thomas)